Todds. Picking up on The One About The Axis Of Evil. MACKENZIE has nearly finished SIMON's hair-cut, brushing the back of his neck. At the same time, JOSEPH, the craggy man in his 50s or early 60s who we last saw scrounging a cup of tea off CRYSTAL in The One About Crystal's Memory, comes in.
SIMON
He sounds a bit like my mate Kenny.
He's in the building trade as well,
as it happens. He and his Missus
aren't talking to each other at the
moment.
JOSEPH
(To MACKENZIE) Alright, Mack ..
if I .. (He feebly points a little finger
towards the door at the back - he
wants to use the toilet)
MACKENZIE
(Giving him the mirror view of the
back of his head) Oh yeah? Why's
that, then? (To JOSEPH) Go ahead.
JOSEPH saunters off to the back and disappears.
SIMON
They've got some friends staying,
whilst their house is being decorated,
Rick and Tina. So his Missus -
Karen - goes off to Norfolk for
a few days. She comes back, and finds
him making Tina a vodka and tonic.
MACKENZIE
What's wrong with that?
SIMON
Well, a lot's wrong with it as it happens.
For one he never makes his Missus one.
Ever. Ever. And for two, it's
Valentine's Day. He should be surprising
her with a bottle of Dom Perignon in
an ice bucket with cut glass champagne
flutes. She gets none of that. Not even
a bottle of Prosecco, not even
a glass of Lambrusco. So she's got
the hump, hasn't she, hasn't spoken to
him for a couple of days now. She
accuses him, she says what it comes
down to - sadly - is it's all
all because of Tina's breasts.
MACKENZIE
Oh, is it? It's often the way, isn't it?
Do you want anything in that? (His hair)
SIMON
It's alright, thanks. (Getting up)
That's what the Trojan War was all
about, wasn't it? The cause of
all that - in reality - was Helen's breasts.
MACKENZIE
(Nodding) They've a lot to answer for.
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