The One About The Royals

1.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

Sainsbury's.  The area of the supermarket near the main entrance with the cigarettes and tobacco, the magazines and newspapers.  At the counter is the gaunt VERNON, late 20s, who we saw in The One About Ernie (Part 2).  There is something quite menacing about him, particularly when he is being polite.  He puts two boxes of rice onto the counter, some foil and a can of Nurishment.  He is being served by CHANTRA, who is in her late 30s.  Beside her, LORRAINE (30s) is serving a CUSTOMER as she talks to an ELDERLY LADY, who has two bags of shopping at her feet.  This is DOLLY.

There is a small queue, at the front of which is a BLIND MAN with a guide-dog.  This is MILTON RADCLIFFE, 50s, silver-haired, tall and imposing.  Behind him is MICKY SHEPHERD, 40s, one of the SIGN PEOPLE whom we glimpsed in The One About The Curry Sale and featured in The One About The Banker.  He holds a placard which reads 'Internet - £1 - For 2 Hours' and an arrow underneath.

VERNON

(To CHANTRA)  Which would you say

is better, Long Grain or Basmati?

CHANTRA

(Tapping the box of Basmati Rice)  This

is more tasty .. and less starchy.

VERNON

The problem with Basmati is that it

sticks.  It's sticky.  Isn't it?  It's a

nightmare.  Rice is a complete

fucking nightmare, if you ask me.

CHANTRA

If you put a bit of butter in it, it stops

it sticking.

VERNON

A bit of butter?  (A moment)  I'm not

sure I've got any ..  The only rice I don't

have a problem with is Pilau.  (Another

moment)  I'll have twenty Royals.

CHANTRA

Anything else?

CHANTRA takes down 20 Royals and puts them on the counter.  

2.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE - SAINSBURYS.  DAY

As before, but a few minutes later.  RADCLIFFE passes VERNON as he goes to the counter.

RADCLIFFE

Are you ignoring me?

VERNON

You what?

RADCLIFFE

Am I invisible?

CHANTRA

(To MILTON)  Next, please.

VERNON

I don't know you from Adam, mate.

(He walks off)

RADCLIFFE

(Calling after VERNON)  Hah!

Oh, I think you know who I am.

(Turning back)  Says he doesn't

know me from Adam.  One day,

he will know me better than he

knows himself.  But by then, it

will be too late.

CHANTRA

(To RADCLIFFE)  Can I help you?

RADCLIFFE

  (Turning to CHANTRA)  Twenty 

Consulate Menthol, please love.