Sunday, August 31, 2008

West Is Best (Part 2)

1.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

We're back with JOSEPH and LENNY, picking up from West Is Best. LENNY has a fresh pint on the table in front of him. He's looking around, taking everything in.  JOSEPH is returning to the table with a pint from the bar, bringing his saline drip along beside him on its wheels. LENNY really is an arsehole, making him do that.  Not only that.  Their previous conversation - that they no longer really know each other any more - he has absolutely no intention whatsoever of letting drop. 

LENNY
We go back a long way, I'll grant
you that.  But there's a lot in
between that you don't know.

JOSEPH puts his pint down on the table.  He's studiously trying to ignore LENNY, but he just can't stop himself.

JOSEPH
Is that it, then?  Is that all the
thanks I get?  That's charming -

And then at that very moment, just as he's about to sit down, JOSEPH's legs go beneath him. He buckles and goes down fast and hard, just in front of his lifelong friend, who tries to catch him as he goes.  But LENNY's reactions aren't nearly fast enough.  JOSEPH catches his head on the side of the table as he goes, and the saline drip and chair go flying.

2.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

JOSEPH is on the floor, unconscious, as LENNY kneels beside him. With them is ROXANNE, who works behind the bar, and SAIRA, a nurse, who features in The One About The Binge Drinkers.

3.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

JOSEPH is half-conscious now, but very white.  Delirious, and in considerable pain.  He sees, but doesn't see.  SAIRA is holding his hand.  

JOSEPH
You've got to hold on to me, Lenny.
I'm keeling over, you've got to hold
on to me.

SAIRA
It's alright, you've had a fall.

JOSEPH
If I go over, I'll not get back up.  You
need to hold on to me, Lenny, you
understand?  If I go, I'll have to take
you with me.  You mark my words.
(An outburst, very angry)  Pull me up,
Lenny, for Christ's sake pull me up!

LENNY looks helplessly at SAIRA.  He doesn't know what to do. 

4.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

Two PARAMEDICS are strapping JOSEPH on to a stretcher, wrapped in a blanket, a heart monitor beside him.  He has an oxygen mask on his face and is as white as a sheet.

5.  EXT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

The two PARAMEDICS wheel JOSEPH quickly out of the pub, towards the waiting ambulance. As they do so, they pass an old lady in a faded wedding dress who has been hanging around outside.  This is CRYSTAL. As she realises that it is JOSEPH, her hand goes to her mouth; there is a look of absolute horror on her face. The voodoo curse that she set on the landlord has, she believes, mistakenly and successfully targeted her friend JOSEPH.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The One About Roxanne

1.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.

The Angel, as before.  SIMON, who we last saw in The One About The Chinese Herbalist, is drinking at the bar with his mate CARL, who is in his early 30s.  They are both watching ROXANNE, early 20s, stunning, who is serving behind the bar.  They don't say a word.  And then ROXANNE throws them both a gorgeous smile.  They're so shocked they nearly choke on their beer - until they realise it's not them, it wasn't meant for them as a tall, handsome MAN comes up to the bar.

ROXANNE
Hello handsome, how are you?
(She kisses him, leaning across
the bar)  Glad you haven't got
your shorts on tonight.

CARL
(To SIMON, off ROXANNE)  Shall
we go somewhere else? 

2.  INT.  THE ANGEL.  NIGHT.
With SIMON and CARL at the bar a little later.  During the scene, SIMON is watching ROXANNE opening a bottle of wine with a lever-operated opener fixed to the bar, while CARL has his back to her.  She's very conscious of the effect she's having on some of the customers.

CARL
She's a good friend, and she'd just split 
up with her boyfriend a couple of months
ago, and she's telling me how desperately
she wants to have sex.  She's complaining
that there isn't anyone, right  And 
I'm thinking, I can think of someone. I'm 
talking to her, I'm the only one there, I'm
in front of her, and I'm struggling to get
anywhere near her, I'm not in her field of
vision at all.

SIMON
Well, it's tragic, isn't it?  (About
ROXANNE) You missed that.

CARL
What?

SIMON
She just opened a bottle of wine.

CARL
(A moment)  Shall we order one?