The One About The Chinese Herbalist

1.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  EVENING.

SIMON is at the counter of the Chinese Herbalist, talking to the CHINESE SALES ASSISTANT. Behind her are ranged hundreds of large jars on shelves, full of weird-looking stuff, each with a label, such as Herba Epimedii, Semen Coicis, Cinammon Twigs and Oyster Shell. Some of it looks like old leaves and twigs, some of it looks more like dead animals.  Elsewhere, a Silk Screen, a Dragon Wall Hanging and Lacquer Figurines. 

SIMON is sitting behind the screen being assessed by an OLD CHINESE MAN, speaking Chinese; an OLD CHINESE WOMAN, holding a clip-board and taking notes, interprets what he says.

OLD CHINESE WOMAN

He says, do you ever feel  (she stubs her

fingers into her hand) .. pin pricking in 

your hands and in your arms?  Or your -

SIMON

What's he saying, I'm having a coronary?

I have heart problems?

2.  INT.  THE CHINESE HERBALIST.  EVENING.

See SIMON in a back room being given acupuncture.

3.  INT.  THE CHINESE HERBALIST.  EVENING.

Back at the shop counter, the CHINESE SALES ASSISTANT is filling a large brown paper bag with herbs from one of the jars. It looks like toe-nail clippings mixed with sea-weed.  There is another brown paper bag already filled on the counter. 

SALES ASSISTANT

You must drink this two times a day.

After four weeks, you come back, and

I give you more?

SIMON

Four weeks?

SALES ASSISTANT

The full course is three months.

SIMON

Three months?! How much is that?

SALES ASSISTANT

Otherwise, the effect is .. not complete.

4.  INT.  THE CHINESE HERBALIST.  EVENING.

The CHINESE SALES ASSISTANT is adding up the bill.  She takes him through each item on the bill, handwritten in Chinese.

SALES ASSISTANT

45 pounds for the acupuncture, this

is for your back pain, yes.  Then it is 35

pounds for the herbs, for the first four

weeks of three months, this one (she taps

the first bag on the counter) and this 

one (she taps the second). This is 

for your blood, to make it thinner and 

for your heart to pump better, you 

understand yes? Plus VAT .. which is

altogether .. One hundred forty one.

SIMON

(Under his breath) Well if this doesn't cause

a heart failure, I don't know what will.

SALES ASSISTANT

One hundred forty one pounds.

SIMON gets out his wallet.