The One About The Sebatier Knives

1. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY. TONY the Salesman is still trying to flog a credit card to MAN MOUNTAIN BOB.

TONY

What’s that supposed to mean?

BOB

I’m really not interested.

TONY

There’s no trick.  Go with.  Go with.

(BOB is thinking. He looks around the mall).

BOB

I was only killing time.

TONY

Don’t ever do that, mate. Life’s too short for that.

I’ve offered you a 25% discount on your mortgage, yeah? 

Now what I'm going to do is double your life insurance.

BOB

What’s the catch?

TONY

There is no catch ..

TONY is beginning to lose patience.

TONY

(Counting on his fingers) You’ve got the interest-free credit on the

card, you’ve got the discount on the car insurance, the discount on

the mortgage - and I’ve doubled your life assurance in the event of

your untimely death. And .. to top it all, right, I’m going to give you ..

(he bends down behind the counter, re-appears with a set of kitchen

knives in a wooden block) this set of fourteen Sebatier Professional

kitchen knives. Top of the range they are, if you were to buy these

in the shops, they’d retail for £69.99. Look at this (he takes out one

of the larger ones, takes a piece of paper and slices it in two).

BOB 

I like knives.

TONY

You get free identity theft assistance as well.

So if someone hacks into your computer

or gets your PIN number, you’re covered.

BOB

(Pointing to the knives) Have you got one of

those boxed up?

TONY

I have indeed.

As TONY bends down there’s a quivering noise and then a terrible crunch. TONY re-appears with the boxed set of kitchen knives, puts it on the counter. Looks up. And what he sees is .. indescribable. BOB is looking down. A bloodied arrow-head protrudes through his chest, through his T-shirt, blood expanding everywhere. Totally in shock. He looks at TONY, a frown of annoyance forming on his forehead, a frown of incomprehension.

TONY

What the fuck ..

BOB

(Disbelieving) What’s that?

TONY

Shit ..

BOB

That’s not right.

BOB begins to fall forward on the counter, twists, his legs buckle and he crashes to the ground.

2. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

Security Guards CONNOR and HAYLEY running through the mall, walkie-talkies in hand, squawking.

3. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

BOB on his side in a pool of blood, white as a sheet and still, the shaft of the arrow between his shoulder-blade and neck. People milling around. See HAYLEY kneeling down beside BOB, trying to work out what to do, as CONNOR tries to push people back.