The One About Ernie (Part 2)

INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

ERNIE, the skeletal old man we saw before in The One About The Ernie, has been stopped for speeding in his motorised wheelchair outside Woolworths on the Upper Level by Security Officer HAYLEY.

HAYLEY

You could've knocked some-

one over.  You were going

so fast, you wouldn't have 

been able to stop in time.  It

would only have taken a small

child to come out of here (she

indicates Woolworths behind

her) and .. bam!  (She punches

her fist into her hand for

added effect).  Carnage.

ERNIE

That's what brakes are for.

HAYLEY

If it happens again, I'll have no

option but to give you a fine.

Let this be a warning to you.

ERNIE is seething.  He shakes his head and looks away in disgust.  His attention is drawn by a scrawny couple, KEVIN and LAILA, both in their late 20s, talking to their teenage son VERNON, whose face is gaunt and empty.

KEVIN

(Utterly helpless) Come 'ome

soon, son.  So we can talk to

you.  Yeah?

LAILA

(Close to tears)  We ain't seen

you for such a long time.  Just

come 'ome to talk, that's all.

VERNON

(He won't)  I will. I will.  (He goes)

ERNIE drives off, watched by HAYLEY.

The One About Crystal's Memory

Luigi's Cafe.  CRYSTAL, as always in faded wedding dress and veil, is in the corner with a cup of tea, reading a book.  Close in on the cover: 'The Secrets of Solitary Witches - And How To Make Your Spells Work.'

LENA, early 20s, attractive, and her friend SARAH, 20s, who wears a starched white uniform, having breakfast.  LUIGI himself and ROSALINDA, his daughter, working.  Elsewhere, two men in fluorescent jackets and hard hats on the table.  This is HARRY (late 30s) and his supervisor KENNY (early 40s), who we saw briefly in The One About Hal.  See a craggy man, JOSEPH, coming in.  He's probably in his late 50s or early 60s, it's difficult to tell.  There's something of the vagrant about him.  He goes up to CRYSTAL.

JOSEPH

Mind if I join you?

CRYSTAL

(Looking up from her book)

Help yourself.  (She gives him 

a smile)

JOSEPH

Much obliged to yer, ma'am.

CRYSTAL

Think nothing of it.

JOSEPH

Who's the lucky fella?

CRYSTAL

(After a long moment)  I'm

ashamed to say .. I've forgotten.

JOSEPH

That can't be good.

ROSALINDA comes over to take JOSEPH's order.  JOSEPH looks at ROSALINDA, and then looks at CRYSTAL.  He doesn't have any money.

JOSEPH

Next time .. it's on me.

The One About The Boiler

INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

A hairdressers, S. Todd  - old style, Fifties chairs, trendy.  A sofa.  Large mirrors along the walls, a wooden floor.  A large window onto the mall.  It's busy.  There are four HAIRDRESSERS working: MACKENZIE and BEDFORD (both mid-30s), KERRY (25) and KIRSTEN (late 20s).  An assistant, WINSTON (21) is on the phone and entering an appointment into a diary.  A door at the back leads downstairs.

The focus throughout is MACKENZIE as he cuts the hair of SIMON, who was last seen in The One About The Bogeyman.  Their conversation is framed entirely in the mirror in front of them.  On the mirror, close in on a sticker which shows troops in full combat-gear with helicopter gun-ships flying above them.  Underneath, the caption reads 'Americans Flying Overhead.'  

MACKENZIE

I searched on the internet and I

discover that the going rate to fix

it is two and a half grand.

SIMON

For a new boiler?  That sounds a

bit steep.

MACKENZIE

I've got this mate who buys council

properties, puts as many bedrooms

in them as possible, then rents them

to students.  Does everything on the

cheap.  Consequently he's very rich.

He says to me, 'The Bosch is like a

Mercedes, the Vaillant's like a Ford,

and what you want's a Fiat.  Something

that runs forever and there are always

parts available.'

The One About Ernie (Part 1)

INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

See ERNIE, skeletal and ancient, a hearing aid in his ear, driving a Cordoba motorised wheelchair along the Upper Tier.  We see some SHOPPERS stepping out of the way as they see him bearing down on them.  We see a SMALL CHILD, oblivious, about to be mown down.  A hand grabs the hood of the CHILD's coat as ERNIE blasts past.

MOTHER

(To ERNIE)  Watch it, will yer?

But ERNIE can't hear a thing.  He tips her a salute as he passes, all smiles.

ERNIE

(To THE MOTHER)  How do.

MOTHER

(To the disappearing ERNIE)  Look

where you're fuckin' going.

The One About The Preacher

A reverse angle on The One About The Bogeyman.  BBs restaurant for muffins and ice creams, which opens onto the central concourse.  We are with MIRIAM, a self-styled preacher, as she approaches the customers, none of whom wish to acknowledge her presence or existence. Nearest to her are a YOUNG COUPLE and a WOMAN on her own reading a book.  At the back are SIMON and his daughter RUBY in conversation, and a WAITRESS.  

MIRIAM

Everybody has got a time in this life.

For each of you, your time will come ..

to be significant.  To shine like jewels.  You

must be wise enough, smart enough

to see the opportunity for what it is,

and seize it. Then you can become

like Kings and Queens. 

WOMAN READING

(Looking up from her book)  Excuse me,

I don't want to be rude, but I want to

read.  Every now and then, you seem

 to pop up out of nowhere.  Why don't

you choose somewhere else? (And

at that she returns to her reading)

MIRIAM

Each of us is special.  As long as you are

not selfish, I promise you, you will make

it in this world.  It is more important to

greet a fellow human being -

WOMAN READING

(Interrupting her) It isn't.  It is more

important to listen.

And at that she slams shut her book, puts it in her bag, and walks off - all of which has been seen by the WAITRESS.

MIRIAM

Bless everybody for their strength.  This

is very important, because there is a power

in each of you which is beyond all under-

standing.  You may have to find a way to

discover it in yourselves, you may know

that you already have it.  But with it you

will be free.  And the world will be yours.

But if you are sinful or greedy, then you

will be punished.  Believe me, I know what

awaits you.

WAITRESS

Get lost, Miriam.  I won't warn you again.

The One About The Banker

The Angel Public House, set within the main entrance way to Sunnyside in the covered outer piazza.  It has a large central island bar, an eclectic mix of furniture and sofas, a kitchen at the back and a blackboard menu on the wall.  There are stairs to a function room and private accommodation on the floors above.  The landlord, RONNIE THE MOOSE, is behind the bar.

It's the middle of the afternoon and the place is almost deserted.  There's a couple of BLOKES at the bar, regulars who occasionally involve RONNIE in their conversation.  A woman on her own, MAEVE (who we saw in the first story, The One About The Public Convenience Part 1), looking disconsolate.  And a couple of PEOPLE by one of the windows:  MICKY SHEPHERD (40s) is the banker of the title or rather ex-banker as he has just resigned.  He has beside him a placard leaning against the wall.  It reads 'Internet - £1 - For 2 Hours' with an arrow beneath.   We saw him, fleetingly, in The One About The Curry Sale amongst the other SIGN PEOPLE.  Talking to MICKY is TONY HILLCOCK, late 30s, suit. MICKY stares out of the window and appears to be largely ignoring him.

TONY

Come on Micky, let's talk about

it.  I didn't come all this way

to .. I think, at the very least,

you owe me an explanation.

MICKY

I just don't want to do it anymore.

I want it to stop.  I want everything

to slow down .. to a standstill.

TONY

So you think .. by doing this (he

nods towards the placard) time

will slow down?

MICKY

I do.  (A moment)  It does.  Crushingly.

The One About The Manhole Cover

1.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  NIGHT.

One of the rear service yards to the shopping centre: F Service Yard, which featured in The One About The Skateboarders.  It is dimly lit.  A van is parked in a bay beneath a sign which reads: 'Cars parked here without authorisation will be clamped.'  The doors of the van are open, and we can just make out tools inside.

Nearby, in the centre of the yard, a red and white-striped temporary canvas work hut used by telecom engineers has been erected.  There is light inside it.

2.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  NIGHT.

Inside the canvas hut is YOSHITAKA and ZENSHO, both in their late 20s.  They are kneeling on the ground looking at a manhole cover between them.  YOSHITAKA holds a lamp over it, and as he does so we see that it has a complex design of shapes and hieroglyphs, a bit like a maze.  It is circular within a square frame.  Across the bottom is the inscription, 'La Fonderie Toulouse.'  YOSHITAKA and ZENSHO marvel at it as if it were a work of art. 

3.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  NIGHT.

Inside the canvas hut, ZENSHO is trying to open the manhole cover with a crow-bar, without success.

YOSHITAKA

Here, let me have a go.

4.  EXT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  NIGHT.

Inside the hut, ZENSHO and YOSHITAKA, both wearing round welding goggles, are using an oxycetaline torch around the edge of the manhole cover.

5.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

The following morning, F Service Yard. There is no van, no canvas work hut.  But there is a hole in the yard where the manhole cover once was.  Above it stands HAYLEY who, as ever, is on her walkie-talkie.  Some SKATEBOARDERS seen over in the corner.

HAYLEY

Control, come in.

The One About Hal

1.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SUPERMARKET CAR PARK.  DAY.

JESSICA (mid-thirties) in a lift to the underground car park beneath Sunnyside Shopping Centre.  With her are her two daughters, CHLOE (nine) and RUBY (seven), dressed in Boden.  RUBY we saw with her father SIMON in The One About The Bogeyman.  A supermarket trolley laden with food and drink between them.  A long moment.

CHLOE

Mum, I don't think we're moving.

2.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SUPERMARKET CAR PARK.  DAY.

See JESSICA unloading the shopping from the supermarket trolley into the back of the car, a BMW X5.   Meanwhile, CHLOE and RUBY are inside the car, in the back, arguing over who sits in the middle.

CHLOE

But you were in the middle on the way.

RUBY

Don't care.

CHLOE

(Losing her temper) Listen ...  Both of you.

Shut up and give me a hand.

There is the sound of glass smashing.

3.  INT.  SUPERMARKET CAR PARK.  DAY.

There are broken bottles on the ground at the back of the BMW, and a river of wine.  JESSICA loses it just as two WORKERS walk past.  They are HARRY (late 30s) and his supervisor KENNY (early 40s), wearing hard hats and fluorescent jackets.  They both look at JESSICA as they pass.

JESSICA

Shit!  Fucking arseholes and .. SHIT!

(To HARRY and KEVIN)  Afternoon!

4.  INT.  SUPERMARKET CAR PARK. DAY.

JESSICA approaches the car park exit barrier.  CHLOE is in the passenger seat beside her, and RUBY is sitting in the back on the arm-rest in the middle.  JESSICA posts her ticket into the machine.

RUBY

(To JESSICA)  I wasn't doing anything.

CHLOE

(To JESSICA)  Yes she was.  My stupid

little sister.

Close on the ticket machine.  'You must pay at the ticket machine before exiting.'  JESSICA puts her face in her hands and leans her forehead on the steering wheel.

CHLOE

(Turning to look at her) Mum, what is it?

5.  INT.  SUPERMARKET CAR PARK.  DAY.

JESSICA is talking to the car park ticket machine.  See the camera lens in the machine - like Hal in 2001: A Space Odyssey.  Catch a glimpse of a long queue of cars behind her in the wing mirror.

JESSICA

I'm trying to explain to you .. the

reason we couldn't get out in time.

Car horns heard blaring from behind.  JESSICA looks over her shoulder at the cars behind, looks ahead at the barrier in front of her, looks at the camera in the machine.

TICKET BARRIER

You must return to the ticket

machine and re-pay the fee.

JESSICA puts the car into gear, revs, and blasts through the barrier which bends backwards and snaps off.

JESSICA

Happy New Year Motherfucker!

6.  INT.  SUPERMARKET CAR PARK.  DAY.

See the BMW burning off, and the smashed barrier left behind in its wake.

The One About The Burial Ground

INT.  LUIGI'S CAFE.  MORNING.

CRYSTAL is talking to LUIGI while CONNOR is finishing his breakfast, reading a newspaper. During this,  HAYLEY comes in. 

CRYSTAL

Do you know how long the church was there?

Over seven hundred years. It's where they put 

the dead during the Black Death.

LUIGI

(Alarmed)  Here?

CRYSTAL

This was a burial ground.  They brought the dead

by boat along the river.

LUIGI

Under the ground is dead people?

ROSALINDA

(Interrupting)  Under the ground is a car park.

CRYSTAL

They got rid of the church.

HAYLEY

(Sitting down opposite CONNOR)  Alright?

CRYSTAL

Where is a girl to get married these days?

CONNOR

(Looking up from his paper)  Yeah.

The One About The Curry Sale

1.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

Security Officer HAYLEY is walking through the central concourse. She passes several people, all holding placard signs (reading 'Pine Furniture', 'Massive Rug Sale', 'Internet - £1 - For 2 Hours', 'Sim Cards', 'Barbers', 'Mobile Phones - Unlocking', 'Golf Sale', 'Tattoo & Piercing', 'Learn English' and lastly 'Curry Sale' - all with arrows underneath the words), all pointing in different directions.   These are the Sign People, and some of them hand out cards to the shoppers who pass by.  The man holding the sign saying 'Internet - £1 - For 2 Hours,' MICKY SHEPHERD, will feature in The One About The Banker.

2.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

A large queue from one of these sales cuts straight across the concourse - effectively forming a barrier to the thoroughfare of shoppers.  HAYLEY, smiling, is onto it.

HAYLEY

(To the queue of people)  Move to the

side, please.  Move to the side.  (She uses

her baton to chivvy them out of the way).

PERSON IN QUEUE

Oi, we're not cattle you know!

3.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

The queue of people is now neatly lined up against the side.  HAYLEY, meanwhile, is dishing out a ticket.

HAYLEY

Do you want a penalty notice for £80

payable within two weeks, or an on-the-spot

fine payable now in cash or credit card for £50?

PERSON IN QUEUE

(After thinking about it for a long time,

watched by his mates) Erm ... I think I'll ...

Phone a friend.  Please.

The One About The Greasy Spoon

1.  INT.  SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE.  DAY.

Luigi's greasy spoon cafe, morning.  A small Christmas tree and decorations.  A television on in the corner.  LUIGI (50s, balding, sweaty, happy and fat) and his daughter ROSALINDA (20s, drop-dead) behind the counter, working.

CUSTOMERS include CONNOR, the security guard and CRYSTAL, an old lady in her eighties who is wearing a faded wedding dress & veil and Nike running shoes.  She has a cup of tea and toast with jam in front of her, and is talking to LUIGI over the local news on the television - which CONNOR watches with a face like thunder.

TELEVISION

A man has died after being

locked in a public toilet outside

a busy shopping centre.

CRYSTAL

(Oblivious)  I'm getting married this

afternoon.

LUIGI

(Routine, an eye on the television)

Congratulations.  Who is the lucky man?

CRYSTAL

His name's slipped my mind for the time

being.  But I'm sure it'll come back.

LUIGI

I hope it comes back in time for the wedding.

(To ROSALINDA, of CONNOR) Your fancy-man

 needs to you.

TELEVISION

The mystery death follows the killing

of Robert Forsyth (we see a family

photograph of  MAN MOUNTAIN

BOB) in the same shopping centre

earlier this year.

2.  INT.  LUIGI'S CAFE. DAY.

ROSALINDA is at CONNOR'S table.

ROSALINDA

.. White toast and tea.  Anything else?

CONNOR

(Very abrupt, his eyes on the television)

That's it.

TELEVISION

.. David Ash (over a sequence of CCTV stills)

the man who was identified as the

Longbow Killer from CCTV footage

of the incident at Sunnyside Shopping

Centre, was never caught by police.

3.  INT.  LUIGI'S CAFE.  DAY.

CRYSTAL is in full flow.

CRYSTAL

No one cares anymore, nobody has any sense

of responsibility or morality.  People are so

weak, it's pathetic.  The young are so molly

coddled, they don't know they're born most 

of the time.  It's such little things now that

people are concerned with, such superficial

things.  Little things please little minds, that's

what I say.  When I was a young girl, people

had meaning and a reason to live.

  

The One About The Flowers

1.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE PIAZZA.  EVENING.

The public toilets in Sunnyside Piazza are cordoned off with blue and white 'Police - Keep Out' tape.  CONNOR and HAYLEY, Sunnyside Security, stand nearby alongside A POLICEMAN.  An SO3 POLICE OFFICER in a white paper suit and face mask forensically examines the inside of the Superloo THOMPSON came out of.

2.  EXT.  SUNNYSIDE PIAZZA.  EVENING.

Nearby, against the wall, some flowers have been laid.  Zoom in on a card with a message that reads:

MESSAGE

You were one in a million.  Heaven got 

lucky today.  My misfortune to be left

behind.  It's what I've always dreaded.

M

Pull out to see PEOPLE walking past, oblivious, going home with their shopping, another day done in an endless cycle of repetition.

The One About The Bogeyman

SIMON MILLS (early 40s, plump) and his daughters RUBY (seven) and CHLOE (eleven) are at a table in BBs, which opens onto the central concourse of the shopping centre.  Above them a sign, 'Drinks, Muffins and Ice Cream.'  It's the morning and is fairly busy.  SIMON is drinking a cappuccino, RUBY has an apple juice and a muffin, CHLOE has a Coke and is listening to music on her iPod.  She holds a monkey, CHICO, in her arms.

RUBY

Daddy .. When you saw the witch,

were you scared?

SIMON

What witch?

RUBY

The one that you saw.  The witch 

in the night.

SIMON

It was nothing.

RUBY

Mummy said you woke up in

the night.  Was it the Bogeyman?

SIMON

It was nothing.

A moment.  A woman MIRIAM approaches the CUSTOMERS and starts to preach to them all, clutching a well-thumbed copy of the Bible. The CUSTOMERS try as hard as possible not to look at or acknowledge her.  She is heard just at the beginning of SIMON and RUBY's conversation, and then dips out.

MIRIAM

Everybody has got a time in this life.

For each of you, your time will come ..

to be significant.  To shine like jewels ..

You can become like Kings and Queens ..

RUBY

He came into my bedroom last night.

SIMON

Who did?

RUBY

The wicked witch.  And he cast a spell

on Chico.  I was sleeping, and then I 

woke up.  And Chico was gone.

SIMON

Where was he?

RUBY

He was sitting on the floor.  Wide 

awake.

SIMON

Was he alright?

RUBY

No, he was crying.

SIMON

So what did you do?

RUBY

I got out of bed, I picked him up,

and then I took him back to bed 

with me.

SIMON

Was he okay?

RUBY

He was very frightened.  But he

went back to sleep in the end.

SIMON

That's good.  (He strokes her

cheek, deeply affected)

RUBY

He doesn't talk to me anymore.

He doesn't say anything.  (She

holds Chico tight).

The One About The March Of Time

Outside the main entrance to Sunnyside Shopping Centre - the covered outer piazza.   A Christmas tree and decorations.  See a MAN lurching out of one of the state-of-the-art public conveniences, as the stainless steel revolving door slides open. This is THOMPSON, early 50s, who we saw at the very beginning.  He wears a khaki jacket and belt, and beige cotton trousers.  Unlike before, however, he now has a beard, he is thin, has long hair and is filthy. His clothes are soiled and torn, his hands are black.  PEOPLE are walking past with their shopping, ignoring him.

As we close in on THOMPSON, we see that his face is scratched and bloody.  There is a desperation in his eyes as he looks around.  He squints, shielding his eyes from the light, as if he's been in darkness for days.  Weeks even.  Tears start to stream from his eyes.  He can hardly walk as he lurches towards a PASSER-BY.

THOMPSON

(Inaudible at first, hoarse) Help me.

The PASSER-BY ignores him and walks on.  THOMPSON goes up to another person, an old lady, OLIVE.

THOMPSON

What day is it?

OLIVE

(Surprised at the question) It's Thursday, dear.

THOMPSON

Thursday what?

OLIVE

I'm sorry?

THOMPSON

Thursday the what?

OLIVE

I believe it's ... the thirtieth today.

THOMPSON

Of what?

OLIVE

Of what?

THOMPSON

(Urgent) Of what month?

OLIVE

Oh.  December.  (She looks at him, not

knowing whether that's good or bad)

December, dear.  (She smiles)

THOMPSON

(In total shock)  You're sure?

OLIVE

Oh yes.  (She looks over his shoulder

towards the Christmas tree and

decorations) Quite sure.

THOMPSON follows her gaze, looks at the decorations.  He starts to shake, like he's having some sort of fit.  OLIVE is frightened and watches him helplessly, as he falls to the ground unconscious.  

The One About The Boot

1. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

The shoe-repairers in the main concourse. Shoe repairs and key-cutting. See the owner, ONE-EYED CARLOS, in the back. He's in his 50s and wears thick, Harry Palmer glasses. His left eye, however, is covered with a black patch. Occasionally, he looks up from his work, cutting a key, looks at a small portable televisionset in the corner. It's a wonder he can see anything at all.

At the counter is his daughter MARIA, who is in her early thirties. MARIA might be quite attractive if it wasn't for a rather pronounced moustache.

At the side, glimpse a public information poster asking everyone to join together to fight the war on terrorism. "It's up to all of us."

TELEVISION

Police were searching last night for a

man who shot dead a builder with

an arrow in a crowded shopping centre.

A customer, RAY (late twenties) is talking to MARIA, a pair of boots on the counter.

RAY

I bought them in to be mended a couple

of weeks ago.

Maria takes the boots. She inspects one of them carefully. She turns it over, looks at the sole, and then the heel.

RAY

When I first brought them in, it took

well over a week for them to be sorted.

I was told it was only going to be a

couple of days.

MARIA

(Putting the boot that she has been inspecting

down on the counter) That's okay. Nothing

wrong with that.

RAY

That's not the one causing the problem.

(MARIA picks up the other boot)

If I'd known then what I know now,

I think I would've done things a bit differently.

MARIA is looking at the other boot. She turns it over, and all looks fine. Then she pulls slightly on the heel, and it comes away. It's completely broken.

RAY

See what I mean?

MARIA

One moment please.

MARIA goes into the back with the boot and talks to her father, who interrupts his work. CARLOS lifts his glasses to peer into the empty well of the broken heel's interior. After a while, MARIA returns to the counter.

MARIA

Yes, these are very difficult to repair.

RAY

(Pointing to CARLOS) That's what he told

me before. When I came to pick them up, 

I asked why they'd taken so long. He said

that he'd had to send them away. 'Send

them away?' I said. 'Where to?' 'The

workshop,' he says, 'I can't do them here.'

MARIA

(Showing RAY the broken heel) If you look,

you can see. Because they are made of

plastic, they are very difficult to mend.

RAY

(Pointing again at CARLOS) That's exactly

what he said. Exactly.

MARIA

He is my father.

RAY

That explains it then. 'All the boots now

are coming from Taiwan and China,' he

says. To be honest, I don't care if they're

coming from Timbuktu, I just want them

fixed. I can't be the first person with a

broken heel.

MARIA

We can send them to the workshop again

but .. I do not think that it will work.

RAY

So you're not really .. You don't repair.

It's not what you do at all.

MARIA studiously ignores the bait and smiles at RAY.

MARIA

Look. (She leans over the counter and shows

RAY the inside of the heel) Try to see, really

see what I am saying, and you will understand.

There is nothing to work with to recreate the

heel, because it is made of plastic. This boot

 .. is cheap. My father should never have agreed

to mend it. He can never say no. And now you

are angry because it is broken again.

RAY looks at the boot, and then at MARIA. They are close.  He is being affected both by her cutting remark and their closeness. A moment.

RAY

Right. So.  (Another moment) What should I do?

RAY is attracted to MARIA now, moustache and all. He looks at her again, seeing her in a completely different way from before.

MARIA

(Soft) I will try one more time. Yes?

One more time we give it a go. And

if it is not possible to mend them, I

will give you your money back.

RAY

Okay.

MARIA writes out a ticket receipt and hands it to RAY. RAY takes it, looks at it. For him, it is a token of hope, a promise of possibility. The moment is broken as Security Officer CONNOR comes up to the counter.  

CONNOR

(To MARIA, showing her a photograph)

Excuse me, Madam, have you seen this 

man?

MARIA

(A moment as she looks at the photograph) 

No.  Sorry.  Why?  Who is it?

RAY

It's the Longbow Killer.  Isn't it?

CONNOR looks at RAY suspiciously before walking off.

2. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

The shoe-repairers. As RAY is going, a MAN comes up to the counter. He has a key in his hand.

MAN

(To MARIA) This door-key doesn't work

and now I can't get in.

The One About The Bicycle

1. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

A bicycle shop. ABU - the man who was looking suspicious in The One About The Busybody - sits astride a brand new bicycle, getting a feel for it, as the ASSISTANT explains its features. ABU's girlfriend DELLA (30) watches.

ASSISTANT

Aluminium frame, alloy hubs, double wall rims,

alloy cranks, semi-raised steel handlebars, and

21-speed Shimano shifter. It’s a good all-purpose

bicycle, very robust ..

2. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

The main concourse of Sunnyside. Security Guard CONNOR is talking to someone on the walkie-talkie. Beside him is DYLAN (40), the Deputy Security Manager.  They are very jumpy, eyes peeled for the Longbow Killer or - failing that - anyone who looks in the least bit suspicious.

CONNOR

(To JIM) Say again, Jim.

JIM

(OOV on the walkie-talkie) He’s bought a push-bike.

DYLAN

(To CONNOR, indicating the whole shopping centre)

No bikes.  We’ve got him.

3. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

We see DELLA with ABU, who is wheeling his brand new bike through the main concourse of Sunnyside. See some way ahead, DYLAN and CONNOR walking towards them, urgent.

4. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

The main concourse of Sunnyside. CONNOR goes up to ABU as DYLAN holds back.

CONNOR

Excuse me, sir. No bicycles in the shopping centre.

ABU

Oh.

CONNOR

Company policy.

ABU

But I’ve just bought it.

CONNOR

No bicycles allowed, sir.

ABU

But I bought it here.

CONNOR

Sorry sir.

DELLA

This is ridiculous.

DYLAN

(Stepping forward) The best thing to do is to take it

back to the shop you bought it from. If you can carry

it, rather than wheeling it along, that would be acceptable.

ABU

You're having a laugh.

DYLAN

You can ask them to deliver it.

ABU picks up the bike and starts to walk back to the bicycle shop. DYLAN and CONNOR watch them.

CONNOR

Sorry about that, sir.

ABU

Yeah. Sure you are.

5. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

DELLA, with ABU carrying the brand new bicycle through the concourse.

6. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

DYLAN and CONNOR in the concourse. Suddenly, ABU burns past them on his bike, giving them a finger as he goes. Close on DYLAN and CONNOR as they take it in.

The One About The Sebatier Knives

1. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY. TONY the Salesman is still trying to flog a credit card to MAN MOUNTAIN BOB.

TONY

What’s that supposed to mean?

BOB

I’m really not interested.

TONY

There’s no trick.  Go with.  Go with.

(BOB is thinking. He looks around the mall).

BOB

I was only killing time.

TONY

Don’t ever do that, mate. Life’s too short for that.

I’ve offered you a 25% discount on your mortgage, yeah? 

Now what I'm going to do is double your life insurance.

BOB

What’s the catch?

TONY

There is no catch ..

TONY is beginning to lose patience.

TONY

(Counting on his fingers) You’ve got the interest-free credit on the

card, you’ve got the discount on the car insurance, the discount on

the mortgage - and I’ve doubled your life assurance in the event of

your untimely death. And .. to top it all, right, I’m going to give you ..

(he bends down behind the counter, re-appears with a set of kitchen

knives in a wooden block) this set of fourteen Sebatier Professional

kitchen knives. Top of the range they are, if you were to buy these

in the shops, they’d retail for £69.99. Look at this (he takes out one

of the larger ones, takes a piece of paper and slices it in two).

BOB 

I like knives.

TONY

You get free identity theft assistance as well.

So if someone hacks into your computer

or gets your PIN number, you’re covered.

BOB

(Pointing to the knives) Have you got one of

those boxed up?

TONY

I have indeed.

As TONY bends down there’s a quivering noise and then a terrible crunch. TONY re-appears with the boxed set of kitchen knives, puts it on the counter. Looks up. And what he sees is .. indescribable. BOB is looking down. A bloodied arrow-head protrudes through his chest, through his T-shirt, blood expanding everywhere. Totally in shock. He looks at TONY, a frown of annoyance forming on his forehead, a frown of incomprehension.

TONY

What the fuck ..

BOB

(Disbelieving) What’s that?

TONY

Shit ..

BOB

That’s not right.

BOB begins to fall forward on the counter, twists, his legs buckle and he crashes to the ground.

2. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

Security Guards CONNOR and HAYLEY running through the mall, walkie-talkies in hand, squawking.

3. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

BOB on his side in a pool of blood, white as a sheet and still, the shaft of the arrow between his shoulder-blade and neck. People milling around. See HAYLEY kneeling down beside BOB, trying to work out what to do, as CONNOR tries to push people back.

The One About The Busybody

1. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

A man, ABU, is standing in the main concourse opposite the toilets. He’s in his early thirties and has a long black beard. He is reading from the Koran, mouthing the words. Occasionally he looks up, looks at his watch, and then goes back to his silent reading.

Unbeknown to him, he is being watched by CRYSTAL, who is sitting having a cup of tea in a nearby café, Luigi’s. CRYSTAL is an old lady in her eighties who is wearing a faded wedding dress and Nike running shoes. Today, CRYSTAL is being a busybody. Over this we hear a DJ on Sunnyside Radio.

SUNNYSIDE RADIO DJ
(Chirpy and breezy) .. And of course, you can help us

by reporting anything or anyone suspicious,

because these days, as I’m sure you’ll agree, you

can’t be too careful. And remember to keep your

belongings with you at all times. Anything left unattended

will be removed and may be destroyed.

2. INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

In the main concourse, CRYSTAL approaches CONNOR and HAYLEY, Security Guards.

CRYSTAL

Don’t look now but there’s a man over there behaving

very suspiciously.

CONNOR

(Looking around) Which man, ma’am?

CRYSTAL points at ABU. HAYLEY and CONNOR follow her gaze. They see ABU apparently reading aloud from the Koran.

HAYLEY
And what in particular has aroused your

suspicions about this person, ma’am?

CRYSTAL
Well, he keeps looking at his watch.

CONNOR
He does look dodgy, I’ll give you that.

HAYLEY
We’ll take care of it from here, ma’am.

The One About The Salesman

INT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

A salesman, TONY, is selling MBNA credit cards in the mall behind a stall. Behind him, exhibition display boards with micro-lighting show posters of the credit card and the strap-line, ’The Gateway To A Better Life,’ and a cheesy picture of a perfect, smiling family.

Two BLONDES in hot-pants and tight-fitting T-shirts with ‘Get A Better Life’ emblazoned on them are handing out leaflets, smiling cheesy grins. TONY is doing a job on BOB, whom we saw in The One About The Longbow.  He is a man-mountain with cropped hair, T-shirt, trainers, track-suit and tattoos. A big gold chain around his tree-trunk neck, big gold rings on his fat fingers.

TONY

Nought per cent interest on balance transfers and nought

per cent on purchases for nine months. Interested?

BOB

Not really.

TONY

Five hundred Nectar points for free.

BOB

Nah, you’re alright mate.

TONY

25% discount on the current cost of your

car insurance guaranteed if you switch?

BOB

Nah.

TONY

Oh ye of little faith, you offer people something

for nothing, and they immediately think you’re

trying to trick them.

BOB

Nothing to do with religion, mate. I just

don't want a credit card. That's all.

The One About The Skateboarders

1. EXT. SUNNYSIDE SHOPPING CENTRE. DAY.

One of the rear service yards to the shopping centre. A sign on a wall reads ‘F Service Yard.’ Another, with a clamping graphic, says ‘Cars parked here without authorisation will be clamped.’ Some cars parked, refuse wheelie-bins, and over the way below wire fencing a line of recycling units - for bottles, plastic, paper, clothes.

Signs everywhere: ‘Danger. Vehicles unloading’ ‘Sprinkler Stop Valve’ ‘Cars parked without authorisation will be clamped’ ‘No parking’ ‘No skateboarding’ and ‘CCTV cameras are operating in this area.’

WINOS drinking Tenants Super near to the rear sliding entrance doors to the shopping centre. Across the way, a telecom engineer’s temporary work hut has been erected.

Some KIDS aimlessly kicking about their skateboards near to the fence. They’re not skating really - the occasional jump maybe, but it’s like they’ve been doing it all morning and they’ve finished for the day. Now they’re just hanging around. They are JOSH (14), JAM (16) and ERROL (15).

CONNOR (late 20S) and HAYLEY (25), security guards, appear through the rear entrance doors. Behind them, graffiti on the wall: “The Outlaws Cry” and “Crazy Horse.”

2. EXT. SUNNYSIDE SERVICE YARD. DAY.

CONNOR and HAYLEY are with the KIDS.

CONNOR

It’s breaking the law. (He indicates a

sign on a wall, ‘No skateboarding’)

ERROL

But we’re not doing nothing.

CONNOR

So what are those? (Indicates their skateboards)

ERROL

Doesn’t mean nothing.

3. EXT. SUNNYSIDE SERVICE YARD. DAY.

Another kid, KURT (18), approaches the others.

JAM

(To KURT) What’s happening?

KURT

Fuck all.

HAYLEY takes out a pad and starts filling in a form, like a parking attendant dishing out a ticket.

HAYLEY

What’s your name?

KURT

What y’wanna know my name for?

HAYLEY

I’m giving you a fixed penalty notice.

KURT

You what?

JOSH

That’s nice.

HAYLEY

Eighty pound fine for swearing.

KURT

You must be fucking joking.

HAYLEY

No I’m not.

KURT

Says who?

HAYLEY

Says the law. Under the Public Order Act.

KURT

Nothing to do with the public though, is it?

And nothing to do with you. ‘Cos it’s just

between me and me mates. Meaning it don’t

concern you. So keep your nose out of it.

HAYLEY

What’s your name?

KURT

I’m not telling you.

The others start to laugh.

JOSH

It’s Kurt.

KURT

(To JOSH, annoyed) Oi you.

HAYLEY

Kurt what?

JOSH

Cobain.